Satan's Beattitudes

Christ's Sermon on Mount contains some of the best preaching one can find anywhere. Contained in that epic piece of theology is The Beattitudes found in the fifth chapter of Matthew's gospel. But did you ever consider that maybe Satan, too, has his own beattitudes. I found this a while back and thought it was very appropriate for this day and age.
*Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians in church, they are my best workers.
*Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked, I can use them.
*Blessed are the touchy, with a bit of luck they may stop going to church, they are my missionaries.
*Blessed are those who are very religious but get on everyone's nerves, they are mine forever.
*Blessed are the troublemakers, they shall be called my children.
*Blessed are those who have no time to pray, they are easy prey for me.
*Blessed are the gossipers, for they are my secret agents.
*Blessed are those critical of church leadership, for they shall inherit a place with me in my fate.
*Blessed are the complainers, I'm all ears for them.
*Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself, I've got you!
Folks, we are the Army of God. We can't fight against the enemy when there is infighting amongst ourselves. There is a war to be won. Onward, Christian Soldiers!